Thursday, June 30, 2011
I just may be -- not only the oldest national park ranger in the country -- but the only ranger yet hired into infinity!
My stay with the park service has been extended into the unknown future. I've been rehired, and this time it's not a "term" appointment, but designated as "permanent." And, the competing applicant was also hired. How cool is that?
Over the past days I've become aware of how uncertain I've been about my future. The fear that I would overstay my usefulness to this work that has become so central to my existence -- was causing me to distance myself from any notion that there was even the faintest possibility that my work has also been important to the development of this park.
Got caught up in strange conversations with my colleagues having to do with how I really could find alternative ways to spend my time; that there were still job opportunities waiting, and that they needn't worry about me; that the decisions-makers should really give full attention to the other applicant without feeling the weight of "taking care" of me. I never once felt confident that these were bright young people who are dedicated to the mission of the National Park Service and that the decision to keep me interpreting that mission was best for the park. I should have known. ... but I was so afraid that it might be time to leave and that my zest for this exciting work would prevent me from seeing it.
In my heart, now that the decision has been made -- I would agree. This has been a remarkable year in a long life that seems to have been preparing me for precisely this role -- how incredible! What a miracle that fate has placed me on the planet among those with whom I can now expand beyond even the limitations of age!
To hell with the tango lessons and chuck the kazoo!
I've been given new edges from which to carve out the rest of life!